Sweet Sorrow

Yesterday was Kourtney's day. It was a day filled with emotions & feelings: hard; painful; heart-wrenching; mourning; loss; grief. There were also other feelings & emotions present: caring; comfort; tenderness; faith; hope; gratitude. But mostly there was love, family and friends - and that makes it all bearable.

I was humbled and awestruck by the outpouring of love and support for Kourtney, Dan, Kazia, Kadrey, & Jaxon. Not only for them, but also for the extended family. It was an amazing day! So many people came, many of them strangers to me. In my little world I sometimes forget that my kids have lives, friends and co-workers of their own. It was wonderful to see so many of them there to lend support.

I was most especially touched as, at the end of the graveside service, each of my children spontaneously walked up, hugged Kazia and held her in their arms. It isn't always something they do with each other.

One small little precious girl with a huge marvelous spirit, whose powerful presence and silent sermons have touched our lives for good, changed our hearts forever, taught us to value what is really important, inspired us, and motivated us to be better people. Truly, she is a gift directly from the loving arms of God. Now, having perfectly completed her mortal tasks, she is safely back in those same loving arms from whence she came.

Our lives will never be the same, but today is a new day - we all need to adjust and find a new sense of what is 'normal' for us. I have every confidence that with faith in God, hope for the future, & courage to live each day the very best way we can, we all will move forward with peace & purpose - and with love in our hearts. Time will pass, but our loving memories will always keep us closely connected to our precious angel Kourtney.

On the Wings of Angels

Our sweet angel, Kourtney, passed away at home this afternoon (Saturday), cradled in the arms of her loving mother. She returned to the loving embrace of her Heavenly Father, from whence she came.

We love her, miss her terribly, mourn her passing, and grieve at the loss of her amazing presence with us. The good news is that we know God's plan for us, and the promise of eternal life together as a family gives us the faith, hope and comfort to carry on.

Kourtney and I didn't get to spend much time together, but in those precious few times it was obvious to me that she is an elect and very special daughter of our Heavenly Father. The combination of her strong spirit so full of goodness, her steadfast determination to successfully complete her earthly mission, and the love that is her very essence left no doubt.

During the eight short months she was with us Kourtney taught us lessons about life and love, inspired us to be better, and motivated us to do those things that will allow us to live together as a family in the eternities.

We are now temporarily separated, but we will keep her in our minds and hearts. I believe she will be keeping a special watch over Dan, Kazia, Kadrey and Jaxon until they can be together again.

The older I get it becomes ever more evident to me how little I really understand. Oh, to be twenty again and know everything! This realization makes me so grateful for the power of faith and the promise of hope. Today has been one of the hardest, and also one of the best days of my life. I feel my Savior's love...

Whirlwind Week

It's been a really busy week, at least compared to my normal routine the last several years. Last Sunday I was able to go to my own ward for the first time in eight years. It was so cool just to be there with the babies crying, kids barfing, and all of the other usual distractions. Nonetheless, there was a vibrance that was both refreshing and comforting - to be there with people who share the same desires and convictions and to "meet with the saints" made me realize how much I have missed that whole experience. I've committed to myself to do all I can to attend every week. Hopefully as my strength and endurance improves I'll be able to last for the entire three hour block.

Monday Dan & Kazia had to take Kourtney (pictured here)back to the hospital due to pneumonia. Her left lung is filled with fluid and partially collapsed, the left not great either. My friend Blair and his Suburban came and hauled me to the hospital (as a visitor, not a patient for the first time in many years) so that I could see Kourtney and give her a blessing. What a great experience to be there and feel the strength and steadfast determination of her sweet spirit. Truly, she is one of the elect of our Heavenly Father.

Thursday was 'go to the doctor' day. It was worth it because they decided that I'd had enough antibiotic to to kill off the invaders. That took ten minutes, then another hour passed while they were trying to determine who was authorized to remove my pic line. Can health care get any worse? Anyway, Saturday the nurse came and yanked it out and "I feel Good" (sing along!) now.

Saturday we attended the general conference priesthood meeting. I could have watched it in real-time on the internet, but this was much better. Again, it was wonderful to be a part of the group and to enjoy not only the meeting, but the spirit of brotherhood that was there. Best of all, it was the first time I have been there with Bryan & Tony. A special day!

Today everyone came over for enchiladas between conference sessions. It was great to have almost everyone together - for the first time in quite a while. At the top is a picture of the other four grandkids. We had a good time.


To highlight the week, the kids took me for a "walk" this afternoon. We spent about two hours out in the neighborhood. It was fun to get reacquainted with the area. The sun was great, and it was fun to watch the kids, the grandkids and the dogs playing and having fun.

These are the things that that make the daily struggle to get stronger and better worth all of the effort.